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TOP TEN REASONS WHY ELDERS SHOULD MOVE TO FLORIDA

Gema G. Hernández

Elders in the North and East of the Mississippi River have begun watching a campaign created by the Florida Department of Elder Affairs to attract more wealthy elders to Florida. Yes, you read it right; the campaign is not paid by the Department of Tourism or by private developers in need to sell their continuous retirement communities. It is paid by the agency responsible for providing services to frail elders. While I have not actually watched the commercial, I know it cost $100,000 this year to produce. I also know that this cost does not include the fact that an office for Destination Florida has been created at the Department of Elder Affairs’ headquarters making the investment in the campaign closer to $200,000 to coordinate and direct. It is confusing to see that for the Governor’s next year’s budget it is asking for $600,000 for Destination Florida and for $700,000 for a Nursing Home Diversion program. What is wrong with this picture?

The fact that both budget requests are so close in amount tells me that there must be a shortage of elders in the state and therefore, for Florida to maintain the number one spot in the nation with the most elders, Florida needs to recruit new elders.

If after watching this attractive campaign you are intrigued with the idea and you would like to move to Florida consider my top ten reasons why you should:

Reason Number 10: I like to drive and if I move to Florida I will have to drive all the time. There is no effective transportation system in place so I need to keep my car and my insurance in good standing. In addition, I need to keep my eyeglass prescription up to date because I will be forced to take an eye test on a yearly basis. The fact that the buses in Florida take me nowhere I want to go and their routes are at least three miles from my home once every hour making the simplest trip outside my home becomes an adventure.

Reason Number 9: I like to conserve water and since there are water shortages in Florida I don’t have to worry about taking a bath every day or watering my plants. This is particularly good in the summer months when I will be forced to consume water unless of course there is no water to consume.

Reason Number 8: My favorite food is peanut butter sandwiches, and I know that if I end up in an Adult Day Health Care Program this is what I will eat. This is a good financial plan for the company that has received an exclusive Medicaid contract with the state and is a good thing for me because eating a peanut butter sandwich every day is good for me.

Reason Number 7: I don’t like to pay State income taxes. I would rather pay excessive local taxes that support the local economy. Not only would I have to pay exorbitant amounts of real estate taxes, but now I also will have to pay additional city and county taxes to support health care programs for indigents.

Reason Number 6: I have always wanted to learn another language. This is really my opportunity to learn Spanish, Creole or Vietnamese. Every place I go, every phone number I call will force me to try my new language because the person at the other end of the line will not be able to understand me. I wish the government programs do the same and provide bilingual information to those elders in need.

Reason Number 5: I don’t like Health Maintenance Organizations and the fact that in most of the counties in Florida there is no HMO or for that matter any other Managed Long Term Care program, will definitely force me to find private providers that only accept private insurance. I would rather have no services than to belong to a HMO, and if I move to Florida I will be forced to do that.

Reason Number 4: I like to attend Senior Centers where Viagra sponsor their Ambassador for a Day Program. I also would like to be able to sing and dance at the Capitol and in Florida there is one day a year that I can do it.

Reason Number 3: I don’t mind the monthly unexpected increases in the maintenance fees of my Continuing Retirement Community. After all, I need to use all my savings as soon as possible before I die. I know that even though the Retirement Community has no liability insurance it really does not matter because Tort reform has already capped damages resulting from negligence claims.

Reason Number 2: To make sure I never go to a Nursing Home I prefer to live in a state that has a moratorium in the number of Nursing Home beds and has program eligibility criteria so strict that only when I am about ready to die I can qualify for services. Having this in place will definitely force my family to take care of me whether they like it or not.

Reason Number 1: I like to live in the State that does not recognize aging is a normal developmental process by minimizing the needs of frail individuals and maximizing the lack of need of the well to do elders.

If your reasons for moving to Florida are similar to mine pack your bag and your money and move down here. Do what Ponce de Leon did and discover the Fountain of Youth, and if you are one of those unlucky elders that happens to need help, don’t worry we can always send you back.